Wednesday, 13 June 2012

The sexy manly salad

You want to eat healthy, but you want to become big and strong? You probably think your best bet is to eat lean proteins such as lean beef, chicken and fish. Bring on the steak! How about a salad? You get all the veggies you need and lots of fiber and vitamins. No way, José! Salads are for girls or hippie vegans, I say! I'm a man and I need meat to grow muscles! But, what are you gonna have your steak with? You want to stay away from carbs such as potatoes, rice, bread and pasta. And having steamed veggies every day with your meat gets pretty boring pretty quickly.

Well my dear macho friend, I have the best dish that will make everyone at the lunch table envy you. (And attract all the ladies around you. Results may vary.) It's what I like to call the sexy manly salad. This salad is very easy to make and will fill you right up with all the protein you need and a solid serving of fruits and vegetables.

Get yourself the following ingredients at the grocery store:

  • Large box of cleaned and ready to eat baby spinach leaves.
  • Small box of cleaned and ready to eat arugula leaves.
  • A box of strawberries, the smaller the better because they're sweeter and have more flavor.
  • A couple of bags of raw pecans. (Though spicy candied pecans are the bomb with this salad.)
  • A block of blue cheese. The harder the better because we have to crumble it in the salad.
  • Montreal Steak spice mix.
  • Worchestshestershirer-er sauce. (Whatever it's called, you know what I mean.)
  • Margarine.
  • Olive oil and Raspberry-Champagne vinegar for the vinaigrette. (A delicious alternative is raspberry coulis.)

The first step - the hardest one for this dish - is to cook your steak. I don't have a barbecue so I do it in the pan. But if you do have a barbecue, I recommend marinating your steak in the Worcestershire sauce in a zip lock bag and leave them in the fridge for an hour before you cook them.
  1. Turn on the heat to medium and add about a tablespoon of  margarine to the pan, melt and cover the surface of the pan.
  2. Put a couple of steaks in the pan and immediately add Worcestershire sauce. Just enough to cover the surface of the steaks.
  3. Sprinkle some Montreal Steak spices over the steaks.
  4. Turn the steaks over and repeat steps 2 and 3.
  5. When the steaks are cooked, remove them from the pan and cut them into 1cm wide strips. (That's about a third of an inch for all you non metric asshats out there. Jeez, get with the program.)
When you're done with the steaks grab a very large handfull of strawberries, wash them, cut off the stem and slice them in half. (Or quarters if you bought those ginormous transgenic monsters.)

I can't cut this one, it's got a face!

Punk rockin' strawberry!

That's probably his father.
© Angel Flores Jr

Take a large bowl and fill it with 3/4 of baby spinach and 1/4 arugula. Add the strawberries. Then grab a big handful of those pecans and CRUSH THEM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT IN A FIST OF RAGE and gently sprinkle over the salad.

If it doesn't look like this so far, you're doing it wrong.

Finally, lie the slices of steak on the top of the salad. Then cut a cube of about 3 cm wide (1 inch) of blue cheese and crumble it all over the salad.

Mmm-mm! Doesn't that look sexy?

For the dressing, I had raspberry-champagne vinegar on hand so I mixed it up with some olive oil and drizzled it over the salad. But, like I mentioned in the ingredients, for even better results, drizzle a little bit of raspberry coulis over the salad for some extra sweetness.

The champagne-raspberry mix acts as a pheromone to attract the ladies.

And that is how you make the sexy manly salad.


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