The Cunning Linguine with Alfredo's Creamy Sauce

Good evening everyone. Tonight I will be showing you how to make the most cunning linguine covered in Alfredo special creamy sauce. A true sensuous delight both in texture and flavour. Mmmm! I've been craving this recipe for a while now and this weekend I was given a pretty big chunk of smoked ham. I thought this would be the best time to make this recipe and finally quench my craving.

When I initially looked up Alfredo sauce recipes online I found out it was pretty fat. Cream and butter and cheese. Basically, everything that was ever made from the fat of a cow's milk! I'm sure that's delicious, but I have a slim figure to keep if I still wanna fit in those skinny jeans in the future. So, I remembered some tricks my ex-girlfriend had taught me along with everything else about cooking. Some ingredients can be easily replaced by a healthier alternative while still maintaining the recipe's intended taste and texture. Instead of cream, use evaporated milk. Instead of butter, use margarine of course. For cakes, instead of butter, use coconut oil. Instead of cream, use sweetened condensed milk. Etc.

Most recipes I found said to use about a cup of  cream, about half a cup of butter and 3/4 cups of Parmesan, salt and pepper and some herbs and spices. After looking at so many recipes and not finding a healthier alternative, I made my own. So, tonight I will show you my healthier version of Alfredo sauce and how to make a nice pasta dish with ham, broccoli and mushrooms. First, here are the ingredients:

Not pictured here: the mushrooms and frozen broccoli

Ingredients:

• 1 can of evaporated milk (not condensed milk!)
• 1/2 cup of margarine
• 1 or 2 cloves of garlic (depends on how garlicky you like it)
• 1 cup fresh Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• Pepper to taste
• Chunk of smoked ham
• A small pack of sliced mushrooms
• 3-4 cups of frozen broccoli
• 1 tbs olive oil
• 1/2 box of linguini

Steps

First, boil some water in a large pot with a pinch of salt and cook your pasta. In the meantime you can do the sauce. For the amount of sauce, I guess half a pack should be just right for the amount of sauce this recipe will make. Once cooked, drain in a colander and rinse in cold water to stop the pasta from overcooking from the heat of the bundle of pasta.

While the pasta is cooking, either press or mince the cloves of garlic. I don't have a press so I minced it up.

I always hated how my fingers smell for a week after cutting garlic.

Open up the can of evaporated milk and pour in a sauce pan. Heat up at medium-low heat and bring it to a simmer. When it's hot and just barely bubbling, add a cup of margarine and let it melt and whisk the mixture to blend thoroughly.

I know this looks like a lot, but trust me on this one.

Also, I used margarine instead of butter because, you know, fat.

All melted.

Next step is to add the chopped garlic and 1 cup of Parmesan cheese. I used fresh Parmesan flakes. You can also buy a block of fresh Parmesan and grate it yourself if you want the extra trouble. Just don't use the Kraft grated Parmesan in the plastic green container. Please don't, or it will wreck the taste. Add the Parmesan gradually and mix constantly to melt it in the mixture.

Add the paprika and whisk to blend it in thoroughly. Add salt and pepper to taste and mix well.

Let it simmer by whisking it often to avoid it sticking the the bottom. It will eventually thicken as the water evaporates from the mix. Once it's thick enough, you may remove it from the heat.

Almost there

I made the unfortunate mistake of adding dried parsley flakes to the mix and somehow this separated the oils from the margarine from the rest of the sauce. It made a weird chemical reaction, so I don't recommend adding it directly to the sauce, but rather use fresh parsley as a garnish. It also adds flavour and very tasty!

Ah darn! And I was so close to having the creamiest sauce ever!

Next, we need to prepare the meat and veggies. So start by steaming up or boiling your broccoli. I prefer steaming because it leaves less water. Once cooked, remove from heat and set a

While the broccoli is cooling, start cutting your chunk of ham into small cubes.

In a large pan, add a tablespoon of olive oil and heat up to medium heat. Then add the ham. Break up the slices of mushrooms into small pieces and add to the pan. Cook until the ham is slightly grilled and the mushrooms are brown and smaller.

Once cooked, remove from the heat and set aside.

Now everything should be ready. In a large pot, over low heat, transfer the sauce, broccoli, mushroom and ham. Mix it all well.

Finally, add the cooked linguine and mix it all in to make a creamy Alfredo pasta dish!

I cooked the whole box and it was too much pasta for the amount of sauce I made.

It was still good though!

One thing to remember, because the sauce is made of cheese and margarine, when refrigerated, it will thicken and harden. So, if you're going to have this for your lunches, like me, it's best to split into separate containers right away, otherwise you won't be able to do it later unless you cut the pasta dish with a knife.

Tada!

And that is that! I had it for my lunch the next day and it was fantastic!!! The taste was so amazing. The mix of Parmesan, and garlic married the ham, broccoli and mushrooms very well with the pasta. This is a success that I will be sure to make again sometime soon. Especially if I have guests over. It would be perfect with a nice cool glass of white wine!

Bon appétit!

Golden Thunderpants Tacos!

¡Hola muchachos! Golden Thunderpants here to tell you about an incredible Mexicano recipe that I've cooked up! Every year, at the lucha offices, we organize a potluck for Halloween. Last year I made tasty nacho-breaded chicken strips with salsa! It was a pretty simple recipe. You take a bag of Tostitos nacho chips and you give it a good supplex or a pile driver to obliterate them into tiny little bits. Then you dip your chicken strips in flour, then egg wash and you roll them in the nacho chips and you bake them in the oven at 350 until the meat is all cooked. Then you serve them hot with a tasty salsa dip! But, that was last year.

This year, I decided to make home made soft shell tacos and they were an absolute hit with the señoras at work! There are a couple of co-workers who are vegetarians too, so I made an extra filling just for them so everyone can enjoy my delicious tacos! The whole meal was composed of either spicy ground beef or a home-made spicy bean dip, a tasty fresh tomato, avocado, red onions, mango and lime salsa and tex mex cheese on a soft fajita shell. It was absolutely delicioso!

Consider yourself lucky, amigo! Because today, I will tell you how to make the great Golden Thunderpants Tacos! Here is what you need. Keep in mind that I made this for a ton of people so you might want to reduce the portions a bit, unless you are having a fiesta, in which case you'll be just fine.

The Salsa

First here are the ingredients for the salsa:

Ingredients

• 2 large tomatoes (or 3 small ones)
• 2 avocados (make sure they're nice and ripe, check if they feel a bit soft when you squeeze them)
• 2 mangos
• 1/2 a large red onion
• 1 lime

Instrucciones

Get yourself a cutting board, a knife and a very large bowl and start chopping away. Make sure you chop everything in small 1cm (~1/4in) cubes or less if possible. Add them to the large bowl as you go along with the ingredients.

Remove the heart for the tomatoes and chop away! To remove the heart, I insert the knife around the stem to make a 2cm (1/2in) square and just push it out with my thumb.

For the avocado, slice it in half by inserting the blade and sort of cutting all around the large seed. Then knock it on the cutting board with the knife, then jiggle the knife sideways and it should open practically by itself. Then take a spoon and sort of separate the skin from the flesh. Then chop it all up real good. Be careful, those are slippery hijos de puta. Also they will make a mess of your board, so wipe it off afterwards with a paper towel.

Next comes the mangoes. When you pick them, make sure that, like the avocado, they're a little soft when you squeeze them to make sure they're ripe enough. Those are tricky because the large seed in the middle is flat and the flesh is pretty stuck to it. So try to get a feel with the knife where the seed ends on each side of the fruit and cut it lengthwise along the seed on each of its sides.

Then we have to cut the onion. Make sure it's a large one because we'll need one half for the salsa and the other for the bean dip we're going to do later on. Here's a trick on how to cut onions. Cut it in half while it's still all covered with it's dried up skin on the outside. It makes it easier to remove the skin. Then cut the onion  by going always towards the center. This way, when you slice it afterwards, it all falls apart into neat little pieces. Make sure you chop them a little bit more to make sure they're tiny enough.

Finally, slice the lime in two and, with all your luchador might, squeeze the juice out into the chopped vegetables and mix everything well using your strong manly hands or a couple of spoons if don't like getting your hands dirty.

And there you have it! The tasty fresh salsa!

The Vegetarian Filling

Now it's time to make the vegetarian filling. That filling was made with black beans, red onions, red bell pepper garlic, salsa cornmeal and spices. It fairly straightforward and easy to make, but you need strong fists to pound the black beans into a purée, like I would with my adversaries in the ring! So here are the ingredients:

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• half a large red onion (the other half from the salsa)
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 cans of black beans (340ml or 19fl oz cans)
• 2 tablespoons of cornmeal (It's the same thing as the grits or polenta)
• 1 1/2 tbs cumin
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp chili powder
• 1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
• 1 cup salsa

Instrucciones

Start by opening and draining the cans of beans and make sure there is no more water left on the cans. Then pour the black beans in a large bowl and mash them. I used my mighty fists of the Mayan gods, but you can use a potato masher instead.

Ok you got me, I used a potato masher.

Otherwise I would've punched through my counter!

Afterwards, mince up all your vegetables and garlic into tiny little bits.

Then, mix up all the spices and cornmeal together in a bowl and stir them up to mix them well.

You're all set! Lets start cooking! In a large pan, put the olive oil. About a tablespoon or enough to cover the  bottom of the pan so your food doesn't stick. Set the heat to medium and when the pan and oil are hot, add the vegetables and let them cook until they get soft and the onions are transparent.

When the vegetables are cooked, slowly pour the mashed black beans in the pan. Then cover with half the mixed spices. Stir the black beans with the vegetables so that everything gets mixed evenly. Then add the rest of the spices and stir some more!

Add the salsa and stir again! Mix it all up real good!

Finally, lower the heat to medium low and cover for 5 min. (Check from time to time so it doesn't stick to the pan.)

After 5 minutes, remove the lid, stir it well and let cook another 5 minutes or until the mixture becomes thick enough. At this point we just want to evaporate the excess water. Stir occasionally so it doesn't stick to the pan. When it's thick enough, remove from heat and let it cool a bit and you're done!

At this point you're ready to eat if you want your tacos vegetarian. Just take a small soft fajita, put some of the bean mixture, add the home made salsa and some tex mex cheese and dinner is ready!

Beef filling

But, if you are like me and you like to eat the flesh of the animals to gain their powers and strength, then here is how to make the tasty spicy beef filling for the tacos! Again, remember that I used enough meat here to feed an entire league of luchadors, so you might want to adjust the proportions.

Ingredients

• 1 kg of ground beef (About 2 lbs)
• 1 small onion (regular)
• 1 tbs olive oil
• 2 tbs Worcesteshire sauce
• 1 tbs chili powder
• 1/4 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp onion powder
• 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/4 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp sea salt (or regular salt)
• 1 tsp black pepper

Instrucciones

Mix all the spices into a bowl. Just pour them all in and stir them up so they are all well mixed.

Mince up the onion into muy pequeña pieces.

Put a large pan over medium heat, add the oil to cover the base of the pan and cook the onions until they are tender and transparent.

Then add the ground beef and break it apart using a spatula and mix with the onions.

Add the Worcestershire sauce and spread half of the spices across the beef. Stir it well so the spices get mixed well in the meat. Then add the rest of the spices and stir some more! Then let it cook by stirring occasionally. There might be a lot of water from the beef, so cook until most of the water is evaporated. And that's it! You're done!

Now you can transfer all that you have cooked up into containers and serve with a stack of small fajitas and let your guests make their taco! Optionally, bring bottle of tequila, shot glasses, some limes quarters and a salt shaker for a good time! ¡Bueno apetito!

Vegan Black Metal Chef

I didn't cook anything this week because I was too busy. Instead, I present to you the Vegan Black Metal Chef. Of course this blog is all about easy to make recipes so here is his Easy Meal Ideas of the Ages!

This is absolutely epic. Check out his channel for his other episodes!

The Family Indian Curry Recipe

Before I was even born, my parents were living in an apartment somewhere in Anjou. They were friends with an Indian couple that lived nearby. One day they were invited over for dinner and the Indian couple made a curry. It was the most delicious dish they've ever tasted. Of course back then my folks weren't really used to Indian cuisine and having an authentic home made curry was one of the best gastronomic experience they ever had. Thankfully the couple was nice enough to provide them with the recipe.

When my mother makes that curry, it's absolutely fantastic. I haven't had it in a couple of years and I have been craving it really badly. So last night I asked for the recipe and made it myself for my lunches and boy did it hit the spot. It is really a great curry recipe and now I will share it with you. You won't find this one online anywhere on any cooking website, so consider yourself lucky!

Not shown here, the sugar.

I forgot to buy the tomatoes so I had to quickly run out and get some.

Ingredients:

• 3 onions (2 for the curry, one for the rice)
• 4 cloves of garlic
• 2 tsp tumeric
• 1/2 tsp powdered ginger
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp sugar
• 3 cloves
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp curry powder
• 3/4 lbs of meat, it can be beef cubes, pork or chicken. For best result, use the pork.
• Cauliflower & Broccoli (I used a whole bag of frozen ones and it was plenty.)
• 2 potatoes
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 cup of basmati rice
• a couple handful of cashews

Instructions:

Holy shit! Did you feel that quake? An earthquake occurred as I was writing this post. At first it felt like a really big truck was passing in front of the building and all of a sudden it felt like a huge impact. I thought the truck might have crashed in a building nearby or something. Pretty intense!

Anyway, here's how to make the curry. Oh and a word of caution: wear an apron and some old clothes because the spices will stain if you drop any on you. The cloth I used to wipe the stove and the counter is still yellow even after washing it with detergent. So be careful.

The first thing to do is to wash up your potatoes and chop up your vegetables. Scrub your potatoes under tap water with a brush. Then peel the potatoes and cut them into very small cubes.

I got help from Mr Supdsie.

Then finely chop the three onions. If you have a food chopper, use it. Or you'll end up like me and cry your eyes out. I'm still crying just thinking about it.

Do the same with the garlic.

Finally, cut the four tomatoes into small cubes.

In a large pot, pour enough olive oil or grape seed oil to cover the bottom of the pot. Over medium heat, cook 2/3 of the chopped onions and all the garlic in the pot until the onions become translucent.

When they're cooked, add the tomatoes and the spices.

Mix well until the mixture turns into a paste.

Add the beef, pork or chicken cubes. If they are not entirely covered by the mixture, add a bit of water until the meat is covered and mix well. Let cook until the meat is tender and has absorbed the juices.

When the meat is cooked and tender, add the vegetables. Pour in the potato cubes, broccoli and cauliflower and mix them well so they get covered with the mixture. I let the frozen vegetables thaw a little bit before adding them, but it's not really necessary. Just make sure any frost or ice is gone before lowering the heat. Bring the heat to medium-low and cover. Let it simmer until the vegetables (especially the potatoes) become soft and tender. 

In the meantime you can cook the rice. In a small pot put enough oil to cover the bottom of the pot. Bring it to a medium heat and put the rest of the chopped onions and cook them until they become translucent.

When they are cooked, add 4 cups of water and bring the heat to medium-high. When the water starts to boil, add one cup of rice and let it cook. Mix occasionally so it doesn't stick to the bottom. Add a couple of handfuls of cashews when the rice is almost done. When the water gets all absorbed, remove from heat and let the rice cool.

I forgot to add the cashews :(

Check back on the curry and make sure the potatoes are nice and soft. The broccoli and cauliflower should be all cooked as well.

When serving, put some rice on a plate and cover with the curry mixture.

Dinner is served! Well, in this case it was lunch.
Whatever. You get what I mean. Time to eat!

The dish has a wonderful curry and turmeric flavour with a warm heat from the cayenne pepper. It's sure to heat up your belly on a cool autumn evening.

Enjoy!